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It took a lot of will-power (and a mini coaching sesh from my voice of reason) to refrain myself from asking how things are going around you. My heart wanted so much to know that you are doing just fine, but my mind got the best of me, and I'd like to think that i pretty much did the right (and practical) thing.

I wanted to show you that I still care, because I do but I wasn't so sure that I want that anymore. You may not know it, but you had my heart in your hand. You were so unaware, that you didn't even have any idea that you were already tearing it to pieces.

Until it hurt so much that I just had to pull what's left of my heart from your hands. Because inasmuch as I loved you, I remembered loving me more.

I tried my best to make things good for you, and I hope that they will. I wish I could be there to smile at you when things fall into their rightful places, but I won't be.

I wont look back anymore. I'll be working on me now.

A blog in pictures: Coffee + Seoul = Perfection

See what my cousin Ginny has to say about Cafe De Seoul over here!

Chuvaness asks: What if you saw your ex?

I'm not sure I can legitimately answer this, but I had an ex-"love" anyway. And of course, I am talking about none other than the great #thewalls of Rafa.

I see him at random times and when it happens, I always get surprised to the point that my mind goes haywire. I cannot think of ways to handle the situation and I will always end up running towards the other direction, or pretending I didn't see him, or hiding. We did not break up, because there wasn't a relationship to break in the first place. He was, however, the greatest love of my life to date, and that is something that I cannot erase from myself no matter how hard I try. Seeing him reminds me of the joyous past, how things disintegrated, and how weirdly disconcerting it is, the way we act now as if we never knew each other (or worse: as if we had gone through the worst break-up ever). Those are probably the reasons why my mind goes nuts whenever I see him.

I'm not sure how I'd handle it if #thewalls suddenly surprises me with a visit. Or maybe I'd have the very same reaction Marina Abramovic had when she saw Ulay once more.


(learn a little bit about who Marina and Ulay were here)

My reactions on the video were:
1. The handsome guy at 0:50 (HELLO KUYA WHOEVER YOU ARE ANG GWAPO MO!!!)
2. OMG WAIT LANG!!! (When Ulay sat down in front of Marina)
3. HOSHIT! ;______; (When Marina opened her eyes, and a smile started creeping up her face)
4. ;___________________; (When Marina started tearing up)
5. ;___________________________; (When Marina reached out to Ulay)
6. /STABSSOMETHING (When Ulay left)

No words were said, but I felt the love they had for each other. I'm not sure what happened to them afterwards, if they ever got back together, or if they remained friends, but the 60 seconds I spent looking at their body languages, facial expressions, and the way their eyes spoke, made me wish that they get their respective happily ever afters, whether in each others' arms or not.

I hope I'll be as calm when a similar situations happens between me and #thewalls. I hope my mind will stop going haywire.

The 2013 Birthday Wishlist (The Materialistic Kind of Post)

This is me trying to cut down on being too materialistic, haha. Oh I want these for my birthday pretty please, Santa Claus? *puppy dog eyes*

(1) Day One for Mac - I have the Day One app for my iPad, and I'm hooked! I like journals, but I get too lazy and tired to write down my thoughts at the end of the day. This app helped me get back to journaling, and I cannot end a day without writing on it. Well, okay, I don't write on it every day, but at least I try to. I still like the good ol' pen and paper, but Day One, with its form and function, provides simplicity and ease of use, and these are the reasons why I have fallen in love with this app.

(2) Ascendo French-English Dictionary - You know that I am an etudiant de français, lol. I try to infuse the things I've learned from the French classes I took into my daily living so as not to forget, and this would be the perfect companion for that! How can I not want this when it has this function/feature? I just need this in my iPad, haha!

(3) iTunes Gift Card - Or I could buy myself Day One and/or Ascendo if I am gifted with an iTunes Gift Card instead? LMAO!

(4) Black Flipflops - Because black goes with just about any outfit and as Rain has put it, black looks good. *bricked*

(5) Blue Instax Mini 7S - Because I want this, and I need this in my life!

Hey! I can dream, can't I? ;)

Twenty three!

One of the things that Emily Owens and I share in common (aside from our humongous stupid crush on Will Collins) is that we both aren't birthday persons. I'm not one to make a fuss about my birthday because frankly, I don't think I am worth the fuss. I wake up on my birthday every year feeling great, like nothing can ever pull me down, or nothing can go wrong, or I can get away with anything, but I'm just a regular human being, and special treatments (because it's my birthday), while very much appreciated (I cannot stress this enough), are things I am not really used to getting.

But still, every year on my birthday, I am thankful. I am thankful that the Lord has given me yet another year to live; thankful that my mom and dad decided to have me, keep me and let me experience living life on this wonderful world; thankful for the family and friends that make life more enjoyable; thankful for experiences that educate me, experiences that quenches my thirst for knowledge and maturity.

Years back, I would make this mental list of things that I want to get for my birthday. Looking back at it, I feel so materialistic, lol. But hey, I am materialistic, though I am very much trying to minimize my being that. As I turn 23 (can I panic for a little bit?), I think my birthday wish list has become more mature (naks, pats myself in the back) because there is nothing that I want but...

Happiness, per se, is broad, too generic. If I am being specific, I want to be happy because my mom is healthy and is safe from evil and harm, and because I make her happy; I want to be happy because my dad is no longer stubborn, is finally determined to lose weight and get well; I want to be happy because my sister has finally graduated from college, and will start working soon, and is on her way to finding her own happiness; I want to be happy because I can go to Korea with my friends, or to Singapore with my family; I want to be happy because I can finally enroll myself in a Multimedia Arts course; I want to be happy because I can finally do the things that I want to do, things that I can say are worth my time, things that I am actually passionate about; I want to be happy because finally, I am in love with someone who is in love with me, too (now I know this is a tall, tall, very taaaaaaaaaaaaaall order).

I also wish for optimism. I will be happy. I'm on my way to happiness!

Happy birthday to me ;)

I'm still alive (and barely breathing)!

January had been crazy for me, the first week alone drove my stress level to the hilt!

My dad got confined in the hospital and things were actually looking bad that I thought, "Shit. Is this it?". I was at the brink of breaking down (hence, this post) because I was hopeful for 2013, and I couldn't handle the fact that I might be saying goodbye to all the hopes and dreams I was looking forward to fulfilling just one week into the new year.

And, it came to pass; I'm here, and my dad is doing okay now. There are things in my 2013 Vision Board that I might have to postpone for a while, but I'm just happy that things didn't go from bad to worse anymore. All I can hope for now is that the storm has already passed, and that everyday I live is taking one step towards that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.

This was me, post-DKFC (I have to put up a blogpost about that soon!). One of our suppliers brought in this display cabinet (which looks more like a kitchen cabinet, if you ask us), and I suddenly remembered EXO-M doing aegyo inside a wooden locker of sorts. One of my bosses indulged me in my cray, so he took these shots of me. So I guess, thank you, sir? ;)

And this was me last Friday. If it weren't too obvious, I couldn't be happier that January is already over!

How about you? How was your January? :)

2012 was the year of...

2012 should have been my year to think outside the box, but it didn't happen. As in the previous years, what I lacked in 2012 was the actual execution of the plans I had for myself. Once again, I let myself wing things and completely disregard the system I had set out at the onset of the year.

Oh well, there's no use crying over spilled milk anyway; but that is not to say that I don't regret not being true to my promise, either.

Looking back, I have realized that I have been wasting a lot of my time with a lot of things that I'm just okay with; things that I can't really say I am happy doing. I have also realized that I am not getting any younger, and that the days I spend procrastinating, winging things, and doing things that don't make me happy equate to wasted opportunities to better myself, and to shape my future.

And that, dear friends, is what scares me. I am scared that I'll get stuck at where I'm at now, and end up not being able to do what actually makes me happy. So, I have realized that I shouldn't be scared anymore. And as Sam and Hal Montgomery (of A Cinderella Story) have put it:

Never let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game.

There will always be that fear of failure, of striking out, but these should be made into motivations to happiness, not hindrances. With these things that have happened in 2012, I have realized that I should be brave enough to take risks, to take chances, to finally, finally finaaaaally think outside the box, because if I don't, I might not get my shot at happiness.

2013 should be the year for real and actual change.

2013 should be about planning, but most importantly, 2013 should be about DOING!

Thank you for the memories, 2012. Bring it on, 2013! Happiness, here I come.


---Acknowledgement/s---
Picture credit: fromjenslens